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- Identifying the emotionally unavailable man
- An emotionally unavailable will not change
- Emotionally unavailable are commitment phobic
- Are you emotionally unavailable?
There are a number a very easy ways to identify if a man is emotionally unavailable before you start dating him.
If you meet a man and he meets more than one of the following criteria, you need to think very hard about whether you want to pursue this man, as he may never be able to give you what you want (an emotionally commited relationship):
- He has only recently separated from his previous partner
- He is already married (irrespective of what he says about his relationship)
- He still lives with an ex partner
- He lets you know he is not over his ex partner (either directly or indirectly)
- He often mentions his ex partner in many conversations
- He shares his bed with a female friend he claims is "just a friend"
- He leaves very soon after you have slept together
- He only shows some emotion when you sleep together, but very little otherwise
- He may try to get physically intimate on your first date
- He will not come to your place until late in the evening, after he has had a night out with his "friends"
- He mainly communicates with you through text messages, email and IM (instant messaging through the internet or mobile phone)
- He often does not answer your calls and/or not returns your calls for days at a time, without any explanation
- He rarely makes definite plans for dates with you
- He cancels plans with you at the last minute
- He doesn't call you when he says he will call
- He does not behave like he is your boyfriend when you are together, not holding your hand and not being very affectionate and often not even walking close by you
- He lets you know he is dating other women
- He does not let you meet his family or friends
- He is not willing to becomes a part of your life, often making excuses about not wanting to meet your family and/or friends
- He never calls you his "girlfriend", "partner" or "significant other" if he ever introduces you to someone (he may just say you are his "friend")
- He controls the relationship - when he sees you, the amount of time you spend together and the frequency and duration of contact and phone calls
A man who is emotionally unavailable man cannot be convinced to change. There is nothing you can do to make him change his behaviour and become the man you want (someone who can provide an possible emotional commitment to a long term relationships with you).
Many women make the mistake of thinking that they can convince their emotionally unavailable man to change. This is highly unlikely to happen and will only result in pain and disappointment. You cannot change anyone. A person will change their behaviour when they want to change it - there is very little you can do to make them change their behaviour.
Staying with an emotionally unavailable man is most likely wasted time spent being emotionally connected to someone who does not want to be emotionally connected to you. If someone does not want the same level of emotional commitment to a realtionship as you do, then you may need to rethink the relationship and whether or not it has a future.
The emotionally unavailable man has a fear of commitment. An emotionally unavailable man, for a variety of reasons is not able to (or will not) commit to a single woman. He is not comfortable with commitment and will do just about anything to avoid it.
At the very base of emotionally unavailability is fear and low self esteem (irrespective of whether or not it is masked by surface arrogance, bravado or other emotions).
An emotionally unavailable man is not in touch with his feeling (they scare him too much) and so he cannot be in an emotionally commited relationship where feelings abound. He fears commitment and all the emotions and other entanglements that come along with it.
If you are with an emotionally unavailable man, it could be because subconsciously you want someone who is not emotionally available because you may not be really ready for a commited relationship yourself.
Yyou need to ask yourself the following questions to determine if this is the case, especially if you consistently find yourself in relationships with emotionally unavailable men:
- Are you somewhat insecure about yourself in some way?
- Do you only feel valued if you are in a relationship with someone, irrespective of whether or not they treat you as a high priority?
- Are your parents divorced?
- Did you have an absent father (either physically or emotionally) when you were a child?
- Do you have low self esteem?
If you answered yes to any of these questions and you continuously have relationships with emotionally unavailable men, you need to reassess the reason why you enter into such relationships and how you can make yourself feel better without being in one.